It was Sunday. The weekend had been sapped away in a flurry of typical weekend things, and now Sunday evening was closing in on us. The house was pretty much a disaster area, as it is by Sunday, and everything needed tending to, except the fridge which in its recent vacancy of food I had given a good and over due wipe down.
"I am so not in the mood to cook," I passively said to my distracted husband.
"Hmm" he muttered.
"Can we have Padthai food mom," chimed in the five year old.
"Hmm" he now said directly to me in a fierce kind of way that can only mean one thing, and it isn't hunger.
"Hmm!" better known as (in English) "We are a little low on funds this Sunday because you spent too much last week"
"Are we out of money?" I said in the snarkiest possible voice.
"Well..." he didn't completely answer.
So we were, at least that was clear.
I stomped off to the kitchen to forage through drawers and cooler bins and pantry shelves. I was making dinner and I was NOT happy about it.
Meanwhile the five year old was now crying because he also isn't getting padthai food (yes, I know it's actually Thai food!). And the husband? He was back working in the garage. Everybody's having fun.
It was at about this point that I began to have a hissy fit that would consequently effect our whole week.
"Fine" I mutter to myself and the pantry shelves, who are great company when you're feeling pissy.
"Fine, Fine, Fine, I won't spend any of YOUR money this week. Fine." (can you see steam rising from my head?)
I begin to throw things from the cupboard; pasta, rice, flour. I rip off a piece of notebook paper and begin to write.
"Monday: Beans with frozen corn and a salad" Have to use the salad before it goes bad. I put the beans on to soak. How efficient.
"Tuesday: Pasta with canned marinara and the one frozen sausage left. Frozen peas for a veg." I think he hates peas. Also, today we will run out of milk. Good, who needs milk, let him suffer.
"Wednesday: Grilled cheese on homemade bread - IF - I get homemade bread made! Carrots for veg." Now I have myself making homemade bread - WTF! But won't he be pained to see all my hard and thrifty work!
"Thursday: Pasta with canned marinara - no sausage. Frozen berries for veg."
"Friday: Leftovers, HA! Eat my shorts. Bite me. Make your own darn dinner!"
This was not a very productive, healing or healthy list. It was bad that I made this list. Don't make lists.
I was still a little razzed on Monday morning, but by Tuesday I was feeling so guilty about my scheming and immature approach to discussing marital issues (money, kids...), I went to the store and bought milk (with my money because I was obviously still getting over it). Why was I doing this? What was this list about? Why did I feel the need to stick it to him, him being a very good guy after all and an amazing husband (despite, and I don't take this back, some unhealthy money regulation issues that we won't get into)?
But then, a light went off.
"What if I, having forgiven him completely, decide to challenge my pantry anyways?" I asked myself this while standing in front of the egg section at Trader Joe's.
"What if I only bought the milk and nothing else (as tempting as that was)? How long could we go?"
So I walked away from the eggs, knowing there were two (dos) in my fridge. Whatever needed to happen this week needed to happen from what we had. Yes, weight watchers with no veg was going to be tricky. Yes, I plan on foraging the community garden for greens. Yes, I bought the milk, because this wasn't about him or the kids, it was about me (and I don't drink milk).
When you take away the anger, and the frustrations, the feelings of being trapped in your own tiny reality, this stretching feels very good. Tonight it's pasta again, but not with frozen berries. I'm trusting that some kind of green veggie is coming my way, I'll just wait and see what form it takes.
Oh, by the way, today is Thursday and we're out of toothpaste, gas, and diapers. Hmmm....
O dear! I get it, My money. His money. The pantry. Our deal was to eat everything out of the pantry and only buy veggies to accompany the meal (being er were officially BROKE!) I found many unusual and interesting items in my pantry and was very impressed that I used all but yams and hearts of palm. As you know I am not that creative. Should have contacted my dear friend Mel. My favorite dinner: tuna, frz peas, any old pasta, cream of mushroom soup and if lucky enough to have some carrots WOOHOO! Mix, and bake and pow meals for a week! Sounds gross I know, but add some cheese for day 3 and 4 and a casserole is born! xo
Posted by: melligo | March 20, 2009 at 01:36 PM
Hey! At least ya' got Diapers!
Posted by: Howie | March 08, 2009 at 07:14 PM
Somehow I could almost see you going through all this activity as I read the article. Thanks!
Needed a boost and you served one up nicely. Take care AND hang in there!!!
Posted by: Frank | March 05, 2009 at 06:18 PM